


If I had a heart

by Chan_redd



Category: South Park
Genre: Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-17 16:15:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16519847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chan_redd/pseuds/Chan_redd
Summary: Saying yes to Stanley Marsh was always the easy part.





	If I had a heart

_If I had a heart, I’d probably stop taking you back_  
If I had a heart, I’d probably start painting it black  
I’m sorry that I’m so weak  
If I had a heart, I’d probably give you all of me.  
  
\- Call me Karizma, If I had a heart.  


* * *

  
2:45am  
  
This was the easy part.  
Letting Stan back into his life was something that Kyle didn’t have to think twice about. His brain had immediately woken him up from a deep sleep as soon as he had heard the soft pinging of his message tone from the phone next to his bedside. And with a quick, sleepy glance at the messages on his lock screen he started walking downstairs to let Stan in from the piercing cold of the November air.  
  
“Hey, dude.” Kyle greeted, trying to rub the sleep from his eyes.  
  
But Stan didn’t say anything. Instead, he lurched into the house and embraced Kyle, and Kyle was immediately soaked by the snowflakes coating his clothes and skin.  
  
Kyle shivers when he feels Stan’s warm breath on his neck, his lips millimetres from his rapidly quickening pulse.  
  
“S-Stan?” He asks, even as his arms move to wrap around his best friend, his hands resting on Stan’s waist as his breath quickens.  
  
It’s stupid. This is always a stupid idea. Kyle allowed himself to believe that things would be different each time but they always ended the same; with Kyle allowing Stan back into the special place in his heart that was reserved just for him. The place that had been damaged so many times that it was just a lesion of fibrotic, blackened tissue screaming for him to stop this madness before the blackness started to spread to the rest of the muscle. He could almost see the tendrils of darkness start to spread as the pain in his chest grew in intensity.  
And yet, he just hugged Stan tighter.  
  
“I just… I just need you tonight, Kyle.” Stan whispers against his skin, his eyelashes tickling Kyle’s neck.  
  
Kyle eventually forces himself to pull away from the embrace and allows himself to think rationally. The first thing was to get Stan out of his wet clothes and into something warmer; he was sure that Stan had some spare clothes in one of his drawers somewhere. And then they can discuss the reason for this impromptu, 3am visit.  
  
\------------------------------  
3:05am  
  
“So what happened, dude? We kinda…” Kyle pauses, feeling awkward around Stan which is not something that he’s accustomed to, “We kinda haven’t spoken in a while.”  
  
‘Not since you accused me of trying to ruin your relationship with Wendy.’ Kyle thinks to himself. But he won’t voice these thoughts. Not when Stan looks so vulnerable. Not when he finally has Stan back after weeks of silence from the other boy.  
  
“Wendy broke up with me. And I think its for real this time, man.” He placed his head in his hands, his eyes red when he finally looked up to make eye contact with Kyle. “I’m sorry that I was such a dick. I’m a fucking terrible friend and I understand if you don’t want me here.”  
  
Kyle didn’t even think before responding.  
“Stan, it’s fine. You and Wendy will be back together before you know it. You two always work things out.”  
His mouth was saying these words, but his heart as the swirling blackness engulfed it, prayed that they wouldn’t. Prayed that this would be final time he had this conversation with Stan. His heart **begged** for this to be the time that Stan finally opened his eyes and saw that he was meant to be with Kyle and not Wendy.  
  
But before he had said the last words of that sentence, Stan had grabbed him by the hand and pulled him onto his bed with him. Kyle gasped as he was pulled close to Stan’s own body, his skin burning as Stan brought his hand up to cheek. The air left his lungs in a rush as Stan’s thumb trailed along his lip shakily, the raven haired teen’s eyes never leaving his own. Kyle licked his lips without thinking about it and gasped lightly when the tip of his tongue tasted Stan’s skin.  
  
“Stan… we can’t do this again.” Kyle says, even as his body screams at him to please, please, _please_ do this again. Memories of kiss bruised lips and quiet moans flooding his every thought as he fought to not lean in and capture Stan’s lips in his own. He needed to taste Stan again. Needed to relish in the sweet taste of his friend on these few rare occasions that he was allowed.   
  
“Why not, Kyle?” Stan whispers, his voice low and almost predatory. He leans forward and trails a few lazy, sloppy kisses to Kyle’s jaw, his lips burning the skin as he spoke against it, “remember how good it feels? How loudly you beg and plead for me to fuck you?”  
  
Kyle gasps, the words spilling from his best friend’s mouth causing all of his blood to rush to his groin as he lets out a small moan. He stops pretending that he doesn’t want this; stops pretending that this isn’t what happens every time that Stan decides that he wants Kyle almost as much as Kyle wants him.  
  
He surges forward and captures Stan’s lips in his own, deepening the kiss almost immediately as he runs his tongue along the inside of Stan’s lip, tasting him and committing every inch of his mouth to memory. And by the time that Stan’s hand is down the front of pants, stroking his cock, Kyle knows that there’s no going back on his decision.  
  
\----------------  
5:15am  
  
Kyle was laying on his bed, staring at the faded ‘Go Cows!’ poster hanging on his wall. Stan was in the bed next to him and his deep, even breathing reassured Kyle that he was fast asleep. He slowly got up from the bed, keeping his movements slow and sure as to not wake up his sleeping friend as he made his way to his bathroom.  
  
There, he sits down inside his bath tub as he hugs his knees to his chest, and for the first time since his grandpa died when he was 13, Kyle Broflovski cries so hard that it feels like he might stop breathing.  
  
He cries because he knows that Wendy and Stan will inevitably start dating again in a few days, and that his feelings for his best friend are futile.  
He cries because he cannot believe that he’s done this to himself again. Cannot believe that he’s allowed himself to get sucked up into the chaos that is Stanley Marsh.  
He cries because he knows that when he sees Stan at school tomorrow, Stan will pretend like nothing has happened between them. Carrying on with a grace of complete unacceptance of what happens between them behind closed doors.  
  
And he cries the hardest, cries until he has no tears left to shed and yet his body still shakes in violent, silent sobs, because he knows that he would take Stan back in a heart-beat.  


**Author's Note:**

> Please don't hate me for doing this to our poor boy Kyle


End file.
